Finding you

There are so many thoughts swarming in my head right now. They've been swarming my entire life. I have always felt like a butterfly, trapped in a cocoon, about to fly out. It's like I am right there, I know it's time, I can feel that it's getting close and I am just waiting to be set free. That's how I feel with my life. I KNOW I am meant to do something big. I don't necessarily mean big like going on to be an Oscar winner. It's funny that some of the smallest actions in the world can lead to big results. Let's take the cashier at your local grocery store and ponder her story. I don't know what you all do for a living, but being a cashier isn't a luxurious job. I didn't aspire to become a cashier and I don't know anyone who did. I am not saying that being a cashier is degrading, but it's not one of the most prosperous jobs one can have. When I walk in the grocery store, I don't see this cashier as an important person. For crying out loud, I can go through a self-checkout at 90% of the stores I visit, so having a cashier isn't necessary. But how many of you have been in the grocery store and you're frustrated about your day--maybe your boss ticked you off, you busted a deadline, your kids are fighting, or the store didn't have the creamer you wanted. Then you go up to checkout and suddenly you are greeted by the most pleasant person ever. Your mood was suddenly uplifted and you day is no longer ruined by that foul mood you were in. And guess what, it was because of the kind words of the cashier--the very one that you didn't feel had an important job. In the grand scheme of things, she isn't out there doing anything BIG, but because of her actions, she's done a grand thing. So that's just one example of how something small can be big. Anyway, I've always known that I was meant to do something big. For the longest time, I thought I needed to use my political science degree coupled with a juris doctorate (law school) to become a political activist or lobbyist. There are so many wrongs I have tried to right and I thought that my political knowledge and legal knowledge would help me help other more effectively. I still believe that and I do intend on going back to law school one day. But what about the mean time? Why do I still feel like I am on the verge of breaking out of that cocoon? I still feel this empty void--I KNOW I am meant to do something. But what? Am I limited to just one thing? Well lets start with what I do know. When I say I am meant to do something big, what am I referring to? Making a lot of money? Helping others? Well I would LOVE to make a lot of money. But I think that I am meant to help others. There is a plethora of ways to help others--counselling, personal training, blogging, etc. I was in the Air Force and I felt that my job was helping those planes get off of the ground. And it was. I worked in a child support office and I felt that I was helping those men and women get the support they deserve. I worked for a college as an academic advisor and I felt that I was helping students map their degree plans to enable them to go out and do something big. There are a lot of things I do where I walk away feeling satisfied, like I have done what I am meant to do. Of course, with all of those things, there was some dissatisfaction because there were principles or policies I didn't agree with. The Air Force "kicked out" thousands of members because they were doing a reduction in force. There were people that wanted nothing more than to stay in but they got booted. I thought it was awful that a woman could keep the paternity of her child a secret for years then come in one day and ask for child support then suddenly they can go back and make this unsuspecting "father" pay FIVE years of support for a kid he didn't know existed. Instead of asking for support from the beginning and giving this guy a chance to make payments each month so he's not carrying around a debt, he's suddenly stuck with a $20,000 debt that is reported to the credit agency each month. How is that fair to "punish" him when the woman never bothered to get child support or to let him know he had a child before then? (I am sure that many of you will argue that SHE deserves the support and it was her that took care of the kid those 5 years. Sure, she deserves the support, but shouldn't she have asked for it from the beginning?--anyway, that's a different topic). How is it fair that a college won't let you take a class online if it's offered on campus? If I want to take it online, then there is some reason that I am not going to sit in the class. So if you don't let me take it online, I'm still NOT going to sit in a class room. The point is that with everything, there will be both the good and the bad. I can do something BIG, but it's not going to be 100% satisfaction each and every day. Now some of you might say that if you aren't satisfied, then you should find your true passion and do what you love. But even when you do things you love, aren't there bad things that happen too? Maybe you're working out and you get a cramp and can't go on. Or maybe you love to watch TV and you're watching your show then the electricity goes off. Those are bad things that interfere with something you love. But do we let this spoil it? Do we never go to the gym again because of a cramp? NO. Do you never watch TV again because you're afraid the power may go off again? No. You deal with what is dealt to you and you press on, doing what you love, doing what you're meant to do.

So I have obviously touched on several topics here. How does this all tie together? Well, I am meant to do something big, and I want to help people, and I want to do something I love. Of course, there will be times that things don't go my way. But I have to keep going.

So now the question is: What do I want to do? What am I close to doing?
Honestly, I don't know. But I know it's close. I can feel it.

Now the question is posed to you. What do you want to do? Are you meant to do something big? Are you going to get to it even though you're faced with difficulties?

I am. I am out finding me. Now you need to go out and find you.