Here's some pics from the 4th

I wanna talk about me, I wanna talk about I...

I think that Tiffany is the only one that has a chance of understanding the title...it's from a song...

Moving on...

Lately, I've been thinking about me. I've been doing for me. I've been doing things that make me happy. these past few months, I've forgotten about myself. I fell off the workout/weight loss bandwagon. I realized that I am the only one that can get me back on.

This is my life. These are my choices. This is about me. My life is going to be what I make of it. Yes, it helps when others support you. But something finally clicked in my head and I realized that if I don't do for myself, no one else will.

The other day I went to my daughter's (7th) birthday party. I walked around with the baby an took her in the pool. After about 1/2 an hr with her, I finally gave her to my husband. He rolled his eyes and made a face, but I had spent some quality time with her. I went off for a swim with my other daughters. It was nice. Mackenzie is my world, but so are Hanna and Hailey. Mackenzie may need me more than they do, but they need me too. Mackenzie was fussing while Hailey was opening her presents and Clint grumpily tended to her. I'm sure he wasn't thrilled about that. But I wanted to watch the joy in Hailey's eyes as she opened her gifts. Tonight, Clint fed and put the baby down and I spent some time outside with Hanna and Hailey. It was so nice. Off topic here, we were talking about boobies. Von and Aaron (two guy friends were out there). I told Hailey that she didn't need to talk about boobies any more and she looks down her shirt and says "I'm so sexy, I can look at myself naked." Then later she was talking about sexy and I told her she didn't need to say that word. She said "Fine, I'll say hot." This is what comes out of the mouth of a 7 year old.

Anyway, it's nice to spend time with them. It's nice to NOT worry about Clint getting mad because he has to deal with the baby. It's nice to do for myself.

That's it. Girls just had a bath. I'm going to put up my dishes and the rest of the groceries and pack my lunch for tomorrow. As Kelly O. says, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail!

My Sunday

Happy Sunday Dear Readers,

Today I went grocery shopping. Bought *most* of my food for the week. I am certain I will have to go back for more veggies. We've got the grill going and have some kick booty steaks on there. I'm also cooking 4 ground chicken burgers, about 9 ground turkey burgers, 9 pieces of tilapia, and 6 chicken breasts. I think that may be too much food for this coming week. But I am sure someone will get in to my food, so that's okay. I will be steaming my broccoli in a bit and boiling some eggs. I love spending my Sundays getting ready for the week. And I am not being facetious.

Gotta go cook. Will update later!

I feel like I've been run over

I got at least 10 hours of sleep last night but I sure feel like crap. If I get too much I feel bad. If I get too little I feel bad. I think 8 hrs is my happy medium.

I got sick last week. We had went to Abilene to see my parents and my 2 yr old baby sister was sick. Just a common cold but it had me down all week. I worked out on Monday but didn't do anything else all week long. I just didn't have the strength. But this is a new week. After this I am going to get my water ready and have some egg whites and oatmeal. I know it's kinda of late in the day for all that, but I'm doing it anyway. If I'm getting back on track, I'm going to to do it right from point A to point B.

That's all I have. Sorry. I need to fold laundry, put more clothes in, wash dishes, make breakfast, then I need to take my step-daughter home. What a fun life I have.

Now that my head is screwed on straight

What a wild few weeks. Things are still nuttier than a fruit cake. On Friday, I drove down to Abilene (about 3 hours south) because my dad and his wife were en route to Denver and stopped there. Theoretically, it would've made more sense for them to come to my house since I am further north, but they wanted to eat at a Mexican restaurant we ate at 8 years ago. We've been trying to get the salsa, and he really wanted some, so he drove there. Anyway, me, Clint, Mackenzie, and our frined Von went there. The next morning we got up and went to a car auction, Academy, Target then Johnny Carino's. We stopped at a liquor store then as we were leaving Von noticed the batter light was on. GREAT. We just replaced the battery. We got to an AutoZone, they (both mechanics) checked it out, and decided to limp it home. 70 miles from home, we're on the side of the road with a dead vehicle. A man stopped to help us, jump started the car, let us go to his house, until our friend Cox came with new batteries. We drove 30 miles out of our way to get to O'Reilly's, where we bought an alternator. The problem wasn't fixed. So then we drove 70 miles home. What a weekend. I crashed on the couch around 10pm, went to my bed around midnight, and got up at 8:30am.

I've already put a load of laundry on, folded towels, and cleaned two bathrooms. I have A LOT more laundry and dishes to do. We have to go get Clint's daughter tonight. What a weekend! have I said that already?

So I FINALLY talked to Tony. What a GREAT conversation. I decided to go with the program, at least for another month. I feel really good about this decision. I just need to make time for myself--getting to the gym, eating right, etc. I HAVE to do this. I am not near my goals. Maybe this next month will bring me there. It better. I am NOT wasting another month!

That's all I've got. I was going to wait until tomorrow to get back on track, but why put off another day? The sucky thing is that my dad brought me some fresh corn, cantaloupe, and watermelon from the garden. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR...HE brought me creamed corn and red beans, but it's frozen, so it can wait. I guess Clint and Von will be eating the boiled corn and okra. (Almost forgot the okra!)

Random

Realizing Love© Richard Sheak I take a deep breath,say four words and let my true tears fall,when you answer me maybe this wont work at all,friends we can still remain,but since then no longer have i heard you speak my name,felt your hand touch my palm,heard your thoughts,your deepest secrets that you hide,I close my eyes as a tear rolls down my cheek,and I imagine the words you speak,the words you say,the games you played,the options I've tried,to attempt to keep our friendship alive,as I've failed in all of the above,I admit by chance maybe i just fell in love,my heartbrakes and it aches,I've never felt so depressed,and yet all the time I wish for only the best,I wish for love,I wish for everything to go my way,I wish that all this hurt and all this pain would all just fade away,I feel alone,So unloved,And yet i wonder is this how its meant to be?I wish i meant to you what you so fondly mean to me,I close my eyes as a tear rolls down my cheek,And i imagine the voice you speak,The words you say,The games you play,the options that i tried,to attempt for our friendship to stay alive,As i know that i have failed in all of the above,I must admit i just fell in love.


I was cleanign out my inbox and my step mom forwarded this to me. I know it has nothing to do with working out, but I liked it and wanted to share it before it got deleted forever.

I'm alive! I'm alive!

My life has been nuts these past few weeks. Work, home, you name it, it's been crazy!

So where do I begin? Well, I haven't been to the gym in about a month. I got a new boos almost 2 weeks ago. The point leading up to that process was a very busy one. And now that he is here, it's still busy. I did try to go to the gym after work one say but it was insanely packed. I've never seen it that packed. Must be kids that are out of school. I haven't tried during my lunch hour. I really need to find time for ME. I've been cutting my lunches shorter and shorter or sometimes working through it. That needs to change.

My eating has been okay. I am not eating BADLY, but some days I do eat like 4 fun sized almond joys. Bad girl. But here's the kicker: I am losing weight! I am wearing my old clothes. Ideally, I would like to lose 10 more lbs to reach my goal number. But I am pretty happy with my size now. HOWEVER, I will not let that comfort stall me.

I think I just had my last month with Tony. In fact, I know I have. The first month, I lost 8 lbs like that. But those next two months were a waste of my $$. I am the one that controls me, and what I eat and when I work out. But I was just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO busy. I was too damn busy to really grocery shop. On top of that, I played phone-e-mail tag with him and that pretty much just added to my stalling. I e-mailed him, he e-mailed me, he called, missed his call, he e-mailed, I e-mailed, he called, missed it, returned call, e-mailed, got e-mail asking when a good time to call would be, then I heard NOTHING for a week. I suddenly got another e-mail asking when I good time to call was and if I had a cell phone. In all honestly, that rubbed me the WRONG way. It was like I was someone he had never talked to before in his life. DO I HAVE A CELL PHONE? From day 1 he had my cell #. I am not really sure what he meant in that e-mail. did I have a cell over a home phone or work phone? I dunno. But that left me hugely disappointed and I didn't respond. I KNOW this isn't the case, I KNOW it. But I felt it so I am going to share it. I suddenly felt like I didn't matter, that I was just some random person, and he was too busy for me. I know he trains a lot of people and I felt like I just got lost somewhere in the crowd. So, at that moment, I decided that I didn't want to take up any more of his time. I probably should've expressed this to him, so he could set me straight. But I honestly just don't want to waste any more $$, because that's what I felt like I did these last two months. Tony is a GREAT trainer. He really is. That first month was awesome. But when my life became hectic, I pretty much gave up. That wasn't him, it was me. I think that if I had been able to talk to him, he could've pulled me out of this trance, and all would be well. But it didn't happen like that. And here I am.

So what have I been up to this month? Heavy drinking. Copious amounts of alcohol. Seriously. Prior to meeting my husband, I would go out on weekends and drink and have a good time. Once I got married, and had Mackenzie, I couldn't count the number of times I've been drunk on one hand. But like every weekend for the past month, we've had people over. And I would drink. Now, when I say alot, it really wasn't a lot. But it was alot for me. I took 2 sips of Moscato yesterday and had one hell of a buzz. I can only imagine what this is doing to my metabolism. ICK. But I AM still losing weight??????

Alright, I better go. My husband is bitching that I am on the computer. I haven't been on the f**king thing in God knows how long. Oh wait. I might spend 5 mins a day on it. But when he wants me up his ass and I am not there, he starts bitching that I spend too much time on the computer. Excuse me. That asshole has spent every free moment in the shop or playing Guitar Hero--like he's doing now. WHY DO I NEED TO GO SIT NEXT TO HIM FOR THAT? No, instead, he says I am always on the computer. FUCK OFF DICKHEAD. I haven't updated my blog since June, yet I am on the computer ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the time.....asshole.