Monday, October 6, 2008

Dear Headache

Dear Headache,

Please go away. I sincerely appreciate the fact that you like you me so much that you've stayed with me for a week. That's quite kind of you. But if I may be honest with you, I am quite tired of this. I am not quite sure how to to get rid of you. I have eaten good food and bad food, drank more water, had more caffeine, got plenty of sleep, taken tylenol, Relpax, and Midrin. NOTHING had helped. I just took lortab to see if that would get rid of you, but I have a feeling it won't. The last time this happened, I was pregnant with Hailey--about 7 years ago, and I sat on the couch watching TV all weekend long. It took Tylenol with codeine and a massage to get rid of you. Are you conspiring with my body? Does my body want a massage so it's using you to get one? Fine, whatever, I can get a damn massage if that will make you go away. I am going to see my doctor in the morning so that she can prescribe some medicine to get rid of you. Initially I thought you were in cahoots with TOM and wanted to make me miserable, but you're still lingering when he's gone. HMMM...what did I ever do to you? WAIT..I KNOW. You're conspiring with my fat cells. You know that when my head hurts so bad that I lay on the couch for 2 hours in the dark instead of working out, I will stay fat. You also know that it's going to make me look like a moron to all of my blogger friends because yesterday I was bragging that I will work out even if I am dying. You just had to make me look like a fool. You know that when the blood starts pumping through my veins it's going to make my head hurt that much worse. You were wanting that weren't you. You enjoy putting me in a corner--let's make her head hurt so bad that she ends up in the ER or lets make her look like an idiot in front of everyone. Let's make her look like a failure. Well I am on to you and these fat cells. I know you think they're doing me a favor--if I did workout and had to go to the ER for a killer headache, I'd blow $100 on the visit then I wouldn't be able to go to Rockford, hence, I wouldn't be making a fool of myself. I wouldn't be a whale surrounded by all those Diva's. I appreciate your and my fat's sincerity, but you know two need to F*@K OFF. I CAN do this. I WILL DO THIS. I AM going to see Kelly, Tina, Stacey, Angela, April, and Evelyne (cough cough, hint hint). If I have to hitchhike there I will be there. If I have to do 3 hours of cardio a day, I will look good there. But, you REALLY REALLY REALLY need to leave so I can do what I need to do. I know you love me. I know you love hanging out with me, but it's time for you to go. I need to move on with my life.


P.S. HAHAHAHAHA--I ate on plan today. Didn't cheat once! Didn't have any of that yummy dessert at my bosses birthday bash. Take that headache!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Girl, you are too much! Hurting as bad as you do, yet still making me laugh! LOVE the letter. Okay, I'm adding my 2 cents: GO AWAY HEADACHE!! Or else I'm comin' there and kickin' your ass! :) Did it work?

Seriously, I really hope you feel better soon. And no matter what you are a sexy hot mama, whether YOU think so or not! Love ya girl!

P.S. You're killin' me. I would LOVE to go, still thinkin'.....