Sunday, October 12, 2008

Mental Issues

I am headache free. I am not vomiting. I am almost back to normal.

The thing is, today I am feeling more like myself. Yet I am so scared to really eat. I started off eating on plan but I swapped over to some soup. I didn't want to fill my tummy up with heavy stuff just in case I got sick again. At the same time, I did want some regular food to test the waters.

but I feel SO guilty. I ate egg whites, oatmeal, and cauliflower and felt fine. I was drinking some Powerade for hydration. I ran in the store to get Clint some soup and I bought myself some too. From that moment I felt guilty. I felt like I was cheating. I headed to the frozen veggie so I could throw in some mixed veggies to my noodle soup (always do that). I felt guilty. I was tempted so many times to put the stuff down. One side of me head was telling me I was cheating, put it up. The other side said it was okay, I had been sick, and I need to ease back into regular food slowly. I was torn. I caved in to the bad side. I felt bad the whole way home, the entire time I was cooking it, and every second I ate it.

I mean, I held down breakfast and I held down the soup and I feel fine, physically. I just feel like I some how cheated and ate a cheesecake---a BIG one. Was eating soup REALLY that bad? I really didn't want anything heavy. I detest throwing up. Sure, I did have solid food earlier but what if I got sick again? On the other hand, I haven't been sick since Friday night, so I AM cheating. Sigh.

There you have it. I have mental issues. Serious ones. I cheated with soup to make sure I was over the tummy bug. Shoot me.

Oh---I don't know that my headaches were migraines. Some were, yes. But some weren't. The migraines meds knocked out the migraines, then something else would come back. I think I was suffering from cluster headaches. I think the chiropractor helped. The last time I remember it happening this bad, I had to take Tylenol 3 and get a massage. That was like 7 years ago.

have a great weekend everyone. I am going to try to do some cardio tonight. Wish me luck!

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