Let me ask you a question. It's Friday afternoon. You're set to get off work at 4:30. At 2:00, your computer network goes down which means that you can't do jack at work. Your husband can get the kid from daycare, so that means you are free. What do you do with your free time?
I would LOVE to go home and nap. It's nice and quiet with no one disturbing me for hours. I would LOVE it.
But guess what.
I WENT TO THE GYM.
YEAH!
I read a lot of blogs. And I can name quite a few people who would get off their butt and get to the gym and would do what they needed to do to get sh*t done. But there are some people that, although their "fitness" oriented, they would've went home, or went shopping, or would've done SOMETHING ELSE. I see a lot of people out there are really serious about their goals. You can look at their pics (assuming they have pics) and see that they were all about business. They did what they had to do, no matter what. Then there are some people I think are sheer impostors--they say they have goals, but by reading their stories or seeing pics, you wouldn't know they had a goal in the world. You hear a lot of talk about how they want this or that, but you see no end result.
I DO NOT WANT TO BE AN IMPOSTOR. I AM GOING TO DO WHATEVER it takes to get to my goals. If I have to eat nothing but broccoli, chicken, turkey, and green beans from here on out, SO BE IT. If I have to do a 3 day liquid diet until the end of time, I WILL. If I have to do lunges everytime it's a leg day, by gosh I WILL DO IT. IF I have to do 10 cardio sessions a week, I will suck it up and DO IT. YOU WILL SEE RESULTS.
The thing is, you have to REALLY want this. YOU have to REALLY want to reach your goals. Saying I want to weigh 115 lbs and GETTING THERE are two different things. The impostor says they want to get there, while the winner GETS there. There's a big difference. I can sit here all day long and tell you (and myself) that I want to compete next year or I want to weigh 115 lbs or I want to be in Oxygen Magazine, as I am stuffing a cheeto in my mouth. Clearly if I am stuffing cheetos in my mouth, then I am NEVER going to reach my goals. If I am whining about getting up early to work out, I am NOT going to reach my goals. If I am doing half ass workouts I am NOT going to reach my goals. (NO, my goals aren't to compete next year or be in Oxygen Magazine). And I think that people that want something but only puts forth half the effort is the only thing sabotaging their goals. And for that, I think they are sad.
So, I challenge you to look at what you're doing, what you're eating. Are you doing what you need to be doing to reach your goals? Or are you cutting corners and whining about doing what it takes to get to where you need to be?
Moving on....
As I was using the leg press, I put 190 lbs on. I did 15 reps. Okay, too easy. I glance over and this GUY on the inverted leg press---with TWENTY lbs on each side. That's 40 lbs. Are you KIDDING me? He did a few and rests. As I finish up doing 4 reps of 265 lbs, he is getting off. So he did two sets of who knows what at 40 lbs and it took forever!!!! Then he moves on to do calf raises and put on THIRTY lbs. ARE YOU SERIOUS??????????????????????? I should've known this guy was a joke when he came in with his shirt tucked in to his basketball shorts. What a loser.
Enjoy my video!
Friday, August 29, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Copying Kelly
This was my cardio song for today
And this is ALWAYS my cardio song!! Well, not the acoustic version. But when I run, I put this song on. Why? I guess because I feel like I am gonna fall apart!
And this is ALWAYS my cardio song!! Well, not the acoustic version. But when I run, I put this song on. Why? I guess because I feel like I am gonna fall apart!
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Quickie...
Hey kids, this is going to be short. A--I am dog tired B--I need to take a bath C--I need to get up a little early so I can go to PT with my squadron D--I would like to read a little more Harry Potter and E--My arms feel like they're going to fall off.
A--I am super tired. No nap for me. I came home, unpacked groceries, fed baby, went to give neighbor pie and gift for her b-day, bathed baby, did chest workout, and that was that. Oh, and I cooked my chicken and fish because I can eat real food tomorrow!!!!
B--I need to take a bath. Enough said. I *could* take one in the morning I guess....Nah.
C--Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, my squadron has PT. For those non-military people, a squadron, is well, um....it's the people I work with. It's like you might work for Wal-Mart, but not just any Wal-Mart, you work for Wal-Mart in XX town. But taking it a step further, you work in the garden center. That's like the squadron level. The flight level would be like the people that water the plants, or the people that stock the shelves for that section. Anyway, they do PT--physical training. They do a few push ups and sit ups then they run. My boss has been hounding me about going with them, and I figured this was a great way to get in the extra cardio I need each week. I mean, I *am* getting paid for this. Of course, I *can* take 3 hrs a week to go to they gym. But this way, I am forced to get the cardio in, whereas if I took those 3 hrs, I would do my weights, and blow off my lunch workout. So, I need to drop Clint and the baby off then get over there by 7. So I need to leave early. I will be running the curves, walking the straightaway.
D--I heart Harry Potter. I got through the first 4 books in no time. I bought them just before the last one came out because I wanted to see what the hype was about. Well, impatient me got on the net and read all about the rest of the books. So I haven't felt the need to read the rest as quickly. But I have made some good time now that I have started again. I want to finish the 5th so I can watch the damn movie!! And I was excited the 6th movie was set for release on November 20 (which meant I had to read the 6th book before then) but thanks to the kid that play Harry Potter starring in a play with a 12 minute nude scene, the halted the premiere until next year. Anyway, I want to finish the book!
E--I had arms yesterday. OW. They hurt. It hurts to type. Tomorrow going to be worse. And I am going to be sore from my bad ass chest workout tonight. Which BTW, I had to do at home,with the bowflex. For my incline bench press, I put on a 30 lb, 10 lb, and 10 lb band to do 12. Not a problem. That's 50 right? For my set of 6, I put on the 50 lbs band and a 10. That's 60 right? I couldn't move it. I took off the 10 and put on a 5, for 55 lbs. Still couldn't move it. So I took the 5 off and just had the 50 lbs bands on. The bitch WOULD NOT MOVE. WTF? I just did 50 lbs. I suck at math but isn't 30+10+10=50???? So I took it off, put the 30+10+10+5=55 and moved it with ease. Holy hell, I hate that thing.
Alright, good night, sweet dreams, go kick some ass!
A--I am super tired. No nap for me. I came home, unpacked groceries, fed baby, went to give neighbor pie and gift for her b-day, bathed baby, did chest workout, and that was that. Oh, and I cooked my chicken and fish because I can eat real food tomorrow!!!!
B--I need to take a bath. Enough said. I *could* take one in the morning I guess....Nah.
C--Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, my squadron has PT. For those non-military people, a squadron, is well, um....it's the people I work with. It's like you might work for Wal-Mart, but not just any Wal-Mart, you work for Wal-Mart in XX town. But taking it a step further, you work in the garden center. That's like the squadron level. The flight level would be like the people that water the plants, or the people that stock the shelves for that section. Anyway, they do PT--physical training. They do a few push ups and sit ups then they run. My boss has been hounding me about going with them, and I figured this was a great way to get in the extra cardio I need each week. I mean, I *am* getting paid for this. Of course, I *can* take 3 hrs a week to go to they gym. But this way, I am forced to get the cardio in, whereas if I took those 3 hrs, I would do my weights, and blow off my lunch workout. So, I need to drop Clint and the baby off then get over there by 7. So I need to leave early. I will be running the curves, walking the straightaway.
D--I heart Harry Potter. I got through the first 4 books in no time. I bought them just before the last one came out because I wanted to see what the hype was about. Well, impatient me got on the net and read all about the rest of the books. So I haven't felt the need to read the rest as quickly. But I have made some good time now that I have started again. I want to finish the 5th so I can watch the damn movie!! And I was excited the 6th movie was set for release on November 20 (which meant I had to read the 6th book before then) but thanks to the kid that play Harry Potter starring in a play with a 12 minute nude scene, the halted the premiere until next year. Anyway, I want to finish the book!
E--I had arms yesterday. OW. They hurt. It hurts to type. Tomorrow going to be worse. And I am going to be sore from my bad ass chest workout tonight. Which BTW, I had to do at home,with the bowflex. For my incline bench press, I put on a 30 lb, 10 lb, and 10 lb band to do 12. Not a problem. That's 50 right? For my set of 6, I put on the 50 lbs band and a 10. That's 60 right? I couldn't move it. I took off the 10 and put on a 5, for 55 lbs. Still couldn't move it. So I took the 5 off and just had the 50 lbs bands on. The bitch WOULD NOT MOVE. WTF? I just did 50 lbs. I suck at math but isn't 30+10+10=50???? So I took it off, put the 30+10+10+5=55 and moved it with ease. Holy hell, I hate that thing.
Alright, good night, sweet dreams, go kick some ass!
Sunday, August 24, 2008
I heart you all
I don't have much time to write. I spent all morning updating my blog. Clint's annoyed. Go figure.
I read some sad posts on a message board this morning. If you gals are reading, oh well. I do find them sad. These girls are truly lacking motivation. Post after post I hear excuse after excuse--I had to go to this event, it's so and so's birthday, we're having a big bbq, etc. And it's followed by, well, I know I have XXXXX to go to so I know I won't lose weight. Or it's like "I gained 2 lbs, but the fact taht we had XX's birthday didn't help, I'll get on track after next week's birthday bash: or something lame like that.'
I just want to tell them that it's okay to say no. You DON'T have to eat what others are eating, you DON'T have to go, you DON'T have to eat at all. You Diva's know that Tony says that if people don't support you, get the negative out of your life. If your family/friends can't understand why you are eating chicken and broccoli, or why you aren't eating that birthday cake, or heck, if you can't control temptation, why you aren't at that event, then piss on them. They SHOULD understand. In fact, I'll bet that they DO understand. I bet they wouldn't care at all. I think it is the person that doesn't WANT to eat something different, doesn't WANT to refrain from eating, doesn't WANT to miss the event.
Let's talk about smoking. I use to smoke. I recently started again. (Don't worry, I stopped.) How did I stop the first time? I stayed away from smokers. The urge wasn't there. Why did I start again? Because I was surrounded by them. How did I stop once more? I am avoiding smokers. I am not buying cigarettes.
Let's apply that to eating right. If you want to lose weight/eat right/not cave in, stay away from bad eaters. Don't go to your relatives house. Don't go to restaurants. Or better yet, don't bring that food into your home.
I don't care if it is your child's birthday. What does that have to do with you? Let me guess, it's not a birthday without cake and ice cream. So be it. Let your child have it. Let your guests have it. But you DON'T have to. If you're having a big party, why not have healthy things like veggie and fruit trays. And wait, here's another concept: If you DO have things like pizza, DON'T eat it. It won't kill you to have tuna and asparagus.
The point is, the truth is, that these girls aren't REALLY trying. If they were, they would be seeing results. But every week it's the same ol same ol--I had this event, we ate out, I am PMSing so it has to be water weight. GIVE IT UP. Take responsibility. Stop screwing around. If you want to cheat every week, if you want to make excuses, so be it. But for crying out loud, stop whining and pretending that you want to lose weight. You tell yourself what you need to in order to make yourself feel better. But action speak louder than words. If you are pigging out in some restaurant, clearly you don't REALLY want to lose weight.
On a similar note, it's not like it's a once in a while restaurant adventure or a special occasion once in a while--it ALWAYS happens. ALWAYS. It's excuse after excuse after excuse.
So why don't I leave this group??? I hope I can inspire at least one person. I would love for one person to wake up and say hey, you know, I control me--it's time to STOP making the excuses, STOP caving in, and it's time to LOSE weight.
It is funny that it's a weight loss group but hardly anyone is losing weight. Kind of ironic. Does anyone else think "Hey, there's a problem here..." Clearly they don't see it because it's excuse, after excuse, after excuse....
And, last thing, if you MUST go to this event or have this party, then why not eat less that day, or get in some extra workouts, or be good all week long, or hey, research the menu and order something light, or eat 1/4 of the dish, or pick out the healthiest things to eat, or hey, skip dessert, or just have a small taste to curb the cravings. You don't have to eat like a cow....
These ladies CAN succeed. They have so much potential. I just wish they would actually get some motivation and would lose the excuses. STOP SETTLING. DO IT. YOU CAN LOSE WEIGHT YOU HAVE TO SET YOUR MIND TO IT THOUGH AND BELEIVE IN YOURSELF. YOU HAVE TO HAVE MORE THAN ME BELIEVING IN YOU.
*************************************************************************************************
I love Kelly O. She's so funny. This girls is my soul twin. We're going to be kicking ass and taking names. Watch out. I texted her this morning asking if she took her vitamins/supplements and she said that she JUST set them out. If we're not meant to be, then who is!! I forwarded her all the messages and her responses makes me laugh. I am so thankful that we are motivated, that we have goals we WILL reach. Most importantly, I am thankful to have her in my life!
And I love Tina. I sent her my progress pics and she had nothing but kind words to say. And she had some GREAT advice. I'm telling you, this gal is so inspiring. Her words are so motivating. She makes you want to succeed. She makes you feel like you WILL succeed. She's such an inspiration. Keep your eye on her, she's going places!!
I read some sad posts on a message board this morning. If you gals are reading, oh well. I do find them sad. These girls are truly lacking motivation. Post after post I hear excuse after excuse--I had to go to this event, it's so and so's birthday, we're having a big bbq, etc. And it's followed by, well, I know I have XXXXX to go to so I know I won't lose weight. Or it's like "I gained 2 lbs, but the fact taht we had XX's birthday didn't help, I'll get on track after next week's birthday bash: or something lame like that.'
I just want to tell them that it's okay to say no. You DON'T have to eat what others are eating, you DON'T have to go, you DON'T have to eat at all. You Diva's know that Tony says that if people don't support you, get the negative out of your life. If your family/friends can't understand why you are eating chicken and broccoli, or why you aren't eating that birthday cake, or heck, if you can't control temptation, why you aren't at that event, then piss on them. They SHOULD understand. In fact, I'll bet that they DO understand. I bet they wouldn't care at all. I think it is the person that doesn't WANT to eat something different, doesn't WANT to refrain from eating, doesn't WANT to miss the event.
Let's talk about smoking. I use to smoke. I recently started again. (Don't worry, I stopped.) How did I stop the first time? I stayed away from smokers. The urge wasn't there. Why did I start again? Because I was surrounded by them. How did I stop once more? I am avoiding smokers. I am not buying cigarettes.
Let's apply that to eating right. If you want to lose weight/eat right/not cave in, stay away from bad eaters. Don't go to your relatives house. Don't go to restaurants. Or better yet, don't bring that food into your home.
I don't care if it is your child's birthday. What does that have to do with you? Let me guess, it's not a birthday without cake and ice cream. So be it. Let your child have it. Let your guests have it. But you DON'T have to. If you're having a big party, why not have healthy things like veggie and fruit trays. And wait, here's another concept: If you DO have things like pizza, DON'T eat it. It won't kill you to have tuna and asparagus.
The point is, the truth is, that these girls aren't REALLY trying. If they were, they would be seeing results. But every week it's the same ol same ol--I had this event, we ate out, I am PMSing so it has to be water weight. GIVE IT UP. Take responsibility. Stop screwing around. If you want to cheat every week, if you want to make excuses, so be it. But for crying out loud, stop whining and pretending that you want to lose weight. You tell yourself what you need to in order to make yourself feel better. But action speak louder than words. If you are pigging out in some restaurant, clearly you don't REALLY want to lose weight.
On a similar note, it's not like it's a once in a while restaurant adventure or a special occasion once in a while--it ALWAYS happens. ALWAYS. It's excuse after excuse after excuse.
So why don't I leave this group??? I hope I can inspire at least one person. I would love for one person to wake up and say hey, you know, I control me--it's time to STOP making the excuses, STOP caving in, and it's time to LOSE weight.
It is funny that it's a weight loss group but hardly anyone is losing weight. Kind of ironic. Does anyone else think "Hey, there's a problem here..." Clearly they don't see it because it's excuse, after excuse, after excuse....
And, last thing, if you MUST go to this event or have this party, then why not eat less that day, or get in some extra workouts, or be good all week long, or hey, research the menu and order something light, or eat 1/4 of the dish, or pick out the healthiest things to eat, or hey, skip dessert, or just have a small taste to curb the cravings. You don't have to eat like a cow....
These ladies CAN succeed. They have so much potential. I just wish they would actually get some motivation and would lose the excuses. STOP SETTLING. DO IT. YOU CAN LOSE WEIGHT YOU HAVE TO SET YOUR MIND TO IT THOUGH AND BELEIVE IN YOURSELF. YOU HAVE TO HAVE MORE THAN ME BELIEVING IN YOU.
*************************************************************************************************
I love Kelly O. She's so funny. This girls is my soul twin. We're going to be kicking ass and taking names. Watch out. I texted her this morning asking if she took her vitamins/supplements and she said that she JUST set them out. If we're not meant to be, then who is!! I forwarded her all the messages and her responses makes me laugh. I am so thankful that we are motivated, that we have goals we WILL reach. Most importantly, I am thankful to have her in my life!
And I love Tina. I sent her my progress pics and she had nothing but kind words to say. And she had some GREAT advice. I'm telling you, this gal is so inspiring. Her words are so motivating. She makes you want to succeed. She makes you feel like you WILL succeed. She's such an inspiration. Keep your eye on her, she's going places!!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
I define me
I make my own decisions
I decide what I want to do
I decide if I sink or swim
I decide if I fail or succeed
I decide if I eat the donut or refrain
I decide if I drink my water
I decide if I take an hour long nap or if I workout
I decide if I reach my goals
Everything that happens in my life is because of MY decisions. I lost 8 lbs the first month with Dreambodies. That was because I gave it my all and kicked ass. The next few months weren't as impressive. But that was my own fault because I didn't do crap. That was me. It was no one's fault.
Something else. STOP MAKING EXCUSES and ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY. I HATE HATE HATE to hear people "whine" about this or that then blame it on this or that. You know what people, I failed those 2-3 months because I didn't try. It wasn't because I was PMS'ing, or ovulating, or stuck at a scrapbook convention with bad food choices, or because family was in town, or it was so and so's birthday. F*CK THAT. It was because I made the choices I made. You know what...so what if I am ovulating...doesn't mean I have to eat the house. So what if it is my baby's birthday. I *CAN* refrain from the cake. Gasp. Did I say that? Is that even a possibility? I don't give two shits if so and so DID bake it just for that occasion. Good for them. Everyone else can enjoy it. And if they DID bake it just for me, shame on me. I should express to everyone that I am following an eating regimen that cake doesn't fall in to. If they insist on making it, hopefully they won't be too offended when I throw it in the trash. That's what you get for not listening to me. And who gives a rat's ass if my family was in town or if I was visiting family. My family shouldn't be offended if I eat my own thing. And if I am at their house, A--I am certain there are grocery stores I can get my own food from and B--if I am not comfortable enough to make my own food, I don't need to be staying there.
The point of this is that I control me and you control you. what you make out of life is based on what YOU do. I hear so many women say they want to do this or this but they never do. I hear women complaining that they haven't reached their goal weight, but in the next breath they say they had a hefty meal over the weekend. Gee honey, I think THAT is why you aren't meeting your goals. I hear women come up with this or that excuse as to why they don't eat right or have time to workout. If you wanted it bad enough, NOTHING would stop you. Is it so wrong to say "NO, I don't want a cake." "No, I can't eat that." "No thank you, I will make my own food." "Sorry, I can't scrapbook tonight, I have to workout." NO NO NO it isn't hard. If you want it, YOU CAN HAVE IT. BUT YOU CAN ONLY GET WHAT YOU PUT IN TO IT.
Tony has me on a liquid diet. I begged him for it. I am not losing weight; I am gaining. You can tell I am getting trimmer. Kelly and Tony saw the pics. Both said they can see a difference. But I need that scale to go down. I totally blew it today. TOTALLY. It's definitely a mind over matter thing and my mind wasn't working. I know Tony is all about getting your head in the right place. Kelly O. can attest to this: For years now I have said that once I get my head in the right spot, everything falls in to place. But I have to mentally condition myself for that to happen. Anyway, my mind failed today. Now I have a tummy ache. NO, I didn't eat a horse. When I say I failed, don't think I ate a pizza or a cheesecake. I didn't. Every time I say I fail, I just mean I didn't follow the plan. To me, that is failing. Whether I cheated and ate a pizza or cheated and ate a potato, it's still not on plan. I ate healthy foods, but the point is that it wasn't on plan. And for that I suck.
So I was reading blogs and something went off in my head: holy crap, I am stopping me from reaching my goals. It's ME that is doing this. WTF. And chances are that if you aren't reaching your goals, it's because of YOU.
On a side note..I have a "friend" that is overweight and bitches about it, yet she wants to do nothing to change it. She says working out makes her feel bad. What ever. You're just lazy and are creating excuses to NOT workout.
Enough said. Get off your butt and do it. As Tina says, reach for the stars. As Kelly O says, aim high. As I say, get off your ass and get do it!
I decide what I want to do
I decide if I sink or swim
I decide if I fail or succeed
I decide if I eat the donut or refrain
I decide if I drink my water
I decide if I take an hour long nap or if I workout
I decide if I reach my goals
Everything that happens in my life is because of MY decisions. I lost 8 lbs the first month with Dreambodies. That was because I gave it my all and kicked ass. The next few months weren't as impressive. But that was my own fault because I didn't do crap. That was me. It was no one's fault.
Something else. STOP MAKING EXCUSES and ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY. I HATE HATE HATE to hear people "whine" about this or that then blame it on this or that. You know what people, I failed those 2-3 months because I didn't try. It wasn't because I was PMS'ing, or ovulating, or stuck at a scrapbook convention with bad food choices, or because family was in town, or it was so and so's birthday. F*CK THAT. It was because I made the choices I made. You know what...so what if I am ovulating...doesn't mean I have to eat the house. So what if it is my baby's birthday. I *CAN* refrain from the cake. Gasp. Did I say that? Is that even a possibility? I don't give two shits if so and so DID bake it just for that occasion. Good for them. Everyone else can enjoy it. And if they DID bake it just for me, shame on me. I should express to everyone that I am following an eating regimen that cake doesn't fall in to. If they insist on making it, hopefully they won't be too offended when I throw it in the trash. That's what you get for not listening to me. And who gives a rat's ass if my family was in town or if I was visiting family. My family shouldn't be offended if I eat my own thing. And if I am at their house, A--I am certain there are grocery stores I can get my own food from and B--if I am not comfortable enough to make my own food, I don't need to be staying there.
The point of this is that I control me and you control you. what you make out of life is based on what YOU do. I hear so many women say they want to do this or this but they never do. I hear women complaining that they haven't reached their goal weight, but in the next breath they say they had a hefty meal over the weekend. Gee honey, I think THAT is why you aren't meeting your goals. I hear women come up with this or that excuse as to why they don't eat right or have time to workout. If you wanted it bad enough, NOTHING would stop you. Is it so wrong to say "NO, I don't want a cake." "No, I can't eat that." "No thank you, I will make my own food." "Sorry, I can't scrapbook tonight, I have to workout." NO NO NO it isn't hard. If you want it, YOU CAN HAVE IT. BUT YOU CAN ONLY GET WHAT YOU PUT IN TO IT.
Tony has me on a liquid diet. I begged him for it. I am not losing weight; I am gaining. You can tell I am getting trimmer. Kelly and Tony saw the pics. Both said they can see a difference. But I need that scale to go down. I totally blew it today. TOTALLY. It's definitely a mind over matter thing and my mind wasn't working. I know Tony is all about getting your head in the right place. Kelly O. can attest to this: For years now I have said that once I get my head in the right spot, everything falls in to place. But I have to mentally condition myself for that to happen. Anyway, my mind failed today. Now I have a tummy ache. NO, I didn't eat a horse. When I say I failed, don't think I ate a pizza or a cheesecake. I didn't. Every time I say I fail, I just mean I didn't follow the plan. To me, that is failing. Whether I cheated and ate a pizza or cheated and ate a potato, it's still not on plan. I ate healthy foods, but the point is that it wasn't on plan. And for that I suck.
So I was reading blogs and something went off in my head: holy crap, I am stopping me from reaching my goals. It's ME that is doing this. WTF. And chances are that if you aren't reaching your goals, it's because of YOU.
On a side note..I have a "friend" that is overweight and bitches about it, yet she wants to do nothing to change it. She says working out makes her feel bad. What ever. You're just lazy and are creating excuses to NOT workout.
Enough said. Get off your butt and do it. As Tina says, reach for the stars. As Kelly O says, aim high. As I say, get off your ass and get do it!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
I want a pile of dead men next to my house
I wish I had written down the quote as soon as I heard it. I was showing my friend Von Cynthia's pics. Clint (my husband) thinks that all of you figure competitors are gross. He says that you look too manly for him. Jackass is just saying that because he's afraid you can kick his ass. I think you are all smoking HOT. Back to the point. Von was looking at the pics with me. Clint looked over and said "Geeze, her arms are too buff. I bet she has a pile of dead men next to her house." I LOVED IT!!! (Point that he thinks you can kick his ass). I am not 100% certain that it was the exact quote he said because I was too busy loving it. But to paraphrase, he thinks she's so buff, she's over there snapping some men in half and tossing them next to her house. I WANT that!! Hehehehehe. I want a pile of dead bodies!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Something to read
It's 11:00pm on a Saturday night. I am at home. I am a loser! Kidding. I rock.
I don't have much to say. I've already told Kelly O this story. I just need to whine some more. But before you read, just remember, this IS NOT getting me down.
I am gaining weight. I am not seeing a loss. I am seeing a gain. WTF?????????? I know, muscle weighs more than fat. I know, I know, I know. But did I really gain that much muscle in 2 weeks? I have been eating 99% perfect (I did have a potato the other night). Workouts have been great. Water has been great. Got the extra cardio in. And I am gaining.
It is/was my TOM. I am not one that notices a weight gain during this time, but I don't NOT notice. I've never noticed one way or another. Some women whine and complain that they're bloated or they retain water during their TOM. I've never noticed. Doesn't mean I don't. Doesn't mean I do. I've just never noticed. So I guess I'll see in a few days. I want to see a loss gosh darn it.
Gotta go. I am contemplating going to sleep. Yes, I suck.
I don't have much to say. I've already told Kelly O this story. I just need to whine some more. But before you read, just remember, this IS NOT getting me down.
I am gaining weight. I am not seeing a loss. I am seeing a gain. WTF?????????? I know, muscle weighs more than fat. I know, I know, I know. But did I really gain that much muscle in 2 weeks? I have been eating 99% perfect (I did have a potato the other night). Workouts have been great. Water has been great. Got the extra cardio in. And I am gaining.
It is/was my TOM. I am not one that notices a weight gain during this time, but I don't NOT notice. I've never noticed one way or another. Some women whine and complain that they're bloated or they retain water during their TOM. I've never noticed. Doesn't mean I don't. Doesn't mean I do. I've just never noticed. So I guess I'll see in a few days. I want to see a loss gosh darn it.
Gotta go. I am contemplating going to sleep. Yes, I suck.
Monday, August 11, 2008
What inspires me
This is Cynthia. I don't have her blog linked to mine. Crap. I know it's Visionquester 2. Google her. This pic was posted on Kelly's page. I LOVED it! I have found my muse. Tony is always on me about finding a body I want. Well, I still don't have one complete body, but I want this woman's abs. Everyone I show says "That's gross, that's not right on a woman, that's only okay for a man." Well screw you! Kidding. To each his/her own. But this is what I like. This is what I am aiming for. Granted, I am certain she is flexing, as her other pics aren't this defined. But that's what I want. I want to be able to flex my shit and then you see <--------that pic. I think it's hot as hell and I WILL have that. When I am at the gym, I think of her stomach. When I don't want to do another rep, I think of this pic and I do three more. I have printed this pic and put it on the inside of my food journal. To take it up a notch, I put this pic all throughout it so I randomly see it. And I will put it on my sun visor, fridge, desk at work. Last night I was telling Zanita, a girl on a message board, that she should find a pic that inspires her and put it everywhere...car, desk, inside the fridge, on bad foods she may have at her house (for kid/husband), bathroom mirror, etc. I read Kelly's blog and she posted this pic everywhere!!! HEHEHEHEHE
I had a bad ass workout today. Shoulders. Not a fan of shoulders, but I kicked butt. As I was doing something, I was watching myself and my arms are looking good!! YES!!! But....there's always a but...my arms look fat to me when I am not flexing. I am not happy about that. They just look big. I don't want that...
Oh yeah, I did 62 mins on the elliptical---3 miles. I rock!! Some of you may be able to do more in 62 mins, but I am happy with my results.
Good night bloggers!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Chai Latte Rocks...Take Two!
Here's a story for all of you:
I love Starbucks. It's overpriced coffee, but it's OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH so good. I normally don't go unless I have a gift card. I get the same thing: Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte. 90 calories. YUM. I AM allowed to have coffee, but probably not 90 cals worth of coffee. So every now and again I WILL splurge and have this. Well, the other night we go and I decided to try a Iced Chai Latte. I asked them to make it skinny and they said they couldn't, but they could use non fat milk. Fine by me. Little did I know that it had 200 calories according to their website. How can tea and milk be so caloric??? Anyway, we decided to buy some Spiced Chai to make our own. Take 1. 1 tea bag, about 10 ounces of water, a splenda, and some skim milk (about 1/4 cup). I KNOW this didn't have 200 calories. I also know that it wasn't very good and I didn't drink much. We went to town and didn't go by Starbucks, considering Von has spent a fortune there lately. Thanks Von! Anyway, we come home and try again. This time I put about 6 ounces of water, let the bag steep a little longer, put 1 splenda and about 1TBSP HEAVY CREAM. YES, I SAID HEAVY CREAM. I also added some pumpkin pie spice. OMG, this was awesome!!! It wasn't Starbucks, but it was GOOD. I hate to see how many calories was in the cream. Wait, let me check. 45 calories per 1 tsp. 5 grams of fat (oopppssss). That's a lot better than Starbucks 200 calories!!!! I'm sure that Tony wouldn't approve. This isn't something I plan on drinking every day. Probably not even once a week. But I am excited that I perfected the recipe!!!
My eating has been on target!! Went out and bought (most) of the food I need for the next two weeks. I will need some more veggies and they didn't have any turkey. I had to use beef. Gasp!!! And my husband is eating what I eat too. I tried to talk him into hiring Tony, but he's not interested. He just wants to lose some weight and try what I'm doing. I explained that Tony might have something better for his needs, but he's adamant that he doesn't need a trainer. He only wants to eat better and lose a little weight. Whatever. I'll cook for him. Makes life a lot easier for me so that I don't have to cook two different things. We're pretty much feeding Mackenzie what we eat, but of course I throw in other things like lots of fruit!!! She eats breakfast, lunch, and two snacks at daycare. Eating chicken, broccoli, and a banana or some mandarin oranges really isn't any difference than what she normally eats anyway. Seriously. I am a really healthy person (for the most part).
Alright people, I am out! Have a nice weekend. Well, whats left of it!!!
I love Starbucks. It's overpriced coffee, but it's OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH so good. I normally don't go unless I have a gift card. I get the same thing: Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte. 90 calories. YUM. I AM allowed to have coffee, but probably not 90 cals worth of coffee. So every now and again I WILL splurge and have this. Well, the other night we go and I decided to try a Iced Chai Latte. I asked them to make it skinny and they said they couldn't, but they could use non fat milk. Fine by me. Little did I know that it had 200 calories according to their website. How can tea and milk be so caloric??? Anyway, we decided to buy some Spiced Chai to make our own. Take 1. 1 tea bag, about 10 ounces of water, a splenda, and some skim milk (about 1/4 cup). I KNOW this didn't have 200 calories. I also know that it wasn't very good and I didn't drink much. We went to town and didn't go by Starbucks, considering Von has spent a fortune there lately. Thanks Von! Anyway, we come home and try again. This time I put about 6 ounces of water, let the bag steep a little longer, put 1 splenda and about 1TBSP HEAVY CREAM. YES, I SAID HEAVY CREAM. I also added some pumpkin pie spice. OMG, this was awesome!!! It wasn't Starbucks, but it was GOOD. I hate to see how many calories was in the cream. Wait, let me check. 45 calories per 1 tsp. 5 grams of fat (oopppssss). That's a lot better than Starbucks 200 calories!!!! I'm sure that Tony wouldn't approve. This isn't something I plan on drinking every day. Probably not even once a week. But I am excited that I perfected the recipe!!!
My eating has been on target!! Went out and bought (most) of the food I need for the next two weeks. I will need some more veggies and they didn't have any turkey. I had to use beef. Gasp!!! And my husband is eating what I eat too. I tried to talk him into hiring Tony, but he's not interested. He just wants to lose some weight and try what I'm doing. I explained that Tony might have something better for his needs, but he's adamant that he doesn't need a trainer. He only wants to eat better and lose a little weight. Whatever. I'll cook for him. Makes life a lot easier for me so that I don't have to cook two different things. We're pretty much feeding Mackenzie what we eat, but of course I throw in other things like lots of fruit!!! She eats breakfast, lunch, and two snacks at daycare. Eating chicken, broccoli, and a banana or some mandarin oranges really isn't any difference than what she normally eats anyway. Seriously. I am a really healthy person (for the most part).
Alright people, I am out! Have a nice weekend. Well, whats left of it!!!
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Laissez les bons temps rouler
I am on a roll today! I slept until 12:30 (long night!). I got up, made my coffee, hung up about 6 loads of laundry and have two more to go. I had one kick booty salad for lunch---grilled chicken, lettuce, tomatoes, broccoli, cucumber, and red bell pepper with this new 0 fat low cal salad dressing and flax seed oil! Yum! Now I am having some coffee. I made my gallon of water and am working on that. I feel GREAT!!!! I really need to focus and get on track. My arms and legs are still sore from my bad ass workout this past week and I LOVE it. I was able to do FOUR 245 lbs reps on the leg press. This REALLY surprised me because I really haven't worked out in the past two months. I mean, the month before those two months, I was working out 6 days a week like I was supposed to. Then I slacked off. But I am back in the game now!!! I can tell that I lost some strength in my arms. I could only spit out three 20lb bicep curls. I am not happy about that because 3 months ago I could do four 30lb curls. Oh well, I am back in the game.
Part of me is disappointed because it's the end of the summer and I should've reached my goals 2 months ago. I am still 12 lbs away. I can fit in my old clothes, which is something I REALLY wanted to do. That was my goal all along. But I also wanted to be 115 lbs. I thought that in order for me to fit in my clothes, I had to be 115 lbs, because in the past that's what I weighed when I wore the clothes. I guess my focus has changed. I want to look good in those clothes--not just fit in them!!!!! As I told Tony, I don't want people to think I am pretty or beautiful...I want people to think I am HOT. And I want to be hot clothed and naked. I look fine in my clothes now. It's the naked part that gets me. So we have some work to do.
My husband says I look at more naked women than he does. I try to read everyone's blogs every few days and I LOVE to look at progress pics. Tina, I am in awe of your booty. There's no butt cleavage there..it's just leg and butt. I can only compare it to a horses hind quarter. And that's not an insult...so DON'T take it that way--I know it might be weird hearing someone say your booty looks like a horses.... But if you've ever looked at a horse, it's just leg then bottom. I think that is AWESOME. I want a booty like Tina's. I have a flat butt, but I told Tony I want to work on that.
Speaking of Tina, SHE is the reason where I am today. Kelly O. turned me on to blogs. She gave me all these great links to read. Somehow I came across Tina and other Dreambodies Divas. While they're all amazing and inspiring in their own way, I was drawn to Tina and her story. I could more closely relate to her and I thought her transformation was awesome. So I took a leap and decided to try it too. All I can say is thank you so VERY much Tina. You've inspired me more than you know!!!!
And Kelly O. If it weren't for you being my rock all these years, I might be fat!! No seriously, Kelly is the only constant in my life, when it comes to working out. None of my friends are on this workout kick. None of them. Not the guys, not the girls. So talking to Kelly all these years and hearing her motivation keeps me going. I can write to her everyday and tell her I hate the scale, ask why I'm not losing weight, tell her about my workout, etc., and she's there to listen and converse back--not criticize me or question why I am doing this. I heart Kelly O! On a side note, why don't you set up your blog so that you don't accept comments from anon people that way they're forced to reveal themselves (or at least a made up name)? My comments have to be approved as well, that way douche bags can't leave awful things. Some people are losers and have nothing better to do than to put down on others. Eff'in Biaches!
Tiffany--I think you rock. I am so proud of your weight loss. You've come a long way. Keep up the good work!!
Evelyne--WHERE ARE YOU??????????? She's another motivational fixture in my life. This woman is amazing. Her transformation is remarkable as well. I can't wait to see her on the stage!!!
Lastly, Kelly O had a pic posted on her page. This is Cynthia. This image has been burned in my brain. Since viewing this photo, I have used this as a mental tool to keep me going. When I don't want to do another left lift, or bicep burl, or another roman chair raise, I think of this image. I WANT that. AND I focus on that pic and I end up spitting out several more reps, even when I don't want to!!!! This chick is badass!
Alright, that's all I have for today! (At least for now). I am feeling drowsy. VERY drowsy. I was on a roll. If I nap, it will be all over. GRRRRRR....maybe I should read??? That won't help. Crap!
Part of me is disappointed because it's the end of the summer and I should've reached my goals 2 months ago. I am still 12 lbs away. I can fit in my old clothes, which is something I REALLY wanted to do. That was my goal all along. But I also wanted to be 115 lbs. I thought that in order for me to fit in my clothes, I had to be 115 lbs, because in the past that's what I weighed when I wore the clothes. I guess my focus has changed. I want to look good in those clothes--not just fit in them!!!!! As I told Tony, I don't want people to think I am pretty or beautiful...I want people to think I am HOT. And I want to be hot clothed and naked. I look fine in my clothes now. It's the naked part that gets me. So we have some work to do.
My husband says I look at more naked women than he does. I try to read everyone's blogs every few days and I LOVE to look at progress pics. Tina, I am in awe of your booty. There's no butt cleavage there..it's just leg and butt. I can only compare it to a horses hind quarter. And that's not an insult...so DON'T take it that way--I know it might be weird hearing someone say your booty looks like a horses.... But if you've ever looked at a horse, it's just leg then bottom. I think that is AWESOME. I want a booty like Tina's. I have a flat butt, but I told Tony I want to work on that.
Speaking of Tina, SHE is the reason where I am today. Kelly O. turned me on to blogs. She gave me all these great links to read. Somehow I came across Tina and other Dreambodies Divas. While they're all amazing and inspiring in their own way, I was drawn to Tina and her story. I could more closely relate to her and I thought her transformation was awesome. So I took a leap and decided to try it too. All I can say is thank you so VERY much Tina. You've inspired me more than you know!!!!
And Kelly O. If it weren't for you being my rock all these years, I might be fat!! No seriously, Kelly is the only constant in my life, when it comes to working out. None of my friends are on this workout kick. None of them. Not the guys, not the girls. So talking to Kelly all these years and hearing her motivation keeps me going. I can write to her everyday and tell her I hate the scale, ask why I'm not losing weight, tell her about my workout, etc., and she's there to listen and converse back--not criticize me or question why I am doing this. I heart Kelly O! On a side note, why don't you set up your blog so that you don't accept comments from anon people that way they're forced to reveal themselves (or at least a made up name)? My comments have to be approved as well, that way douche bags can't leave awful things. Some people are losers and have nothing better to do than to put down on others. Eff'in Biaches!
Tiffany--I think you rock. I am so proud of your weight loss. You've come a long way. Keep up the good work!!
Evelyne--WHERE ARE YOU??????????? She's another motivational fixture in my life. This woman is amazing. Her transformation is remarkable as well. I can't wait to see her on the stage!!!
Lastly, Kelly O had a pic posted on her page. This is Cynthia. This image has been burned in my brain. Since viewing this photo, I have used this as a mental tool to keep me going. When I don't want to do another left lift, or bicep burl, or another roman chair raise, I think of this image. I WANT that. AND I focus on that pic and I end up spitting out several more reps, even when I don't want to!!!! This chick is badass!
Alright, that's all I have for today! (At least for now). I am feeling drowsy. VERY drowsy. I was on a roll. If I nap, it will be all over. GRRRRRR....maybe I should read??? That won't help. Crap!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
I wanna talk about me, I wanna talk about I...
I think that Tiffany is the only one that has a chance of understanding the title...it's from a song...
Moving on...
Lately, I've been thinking about me. I've been doing for me. I've been doing things that make me happy. these past few months, I've forgotten about myself. I fell off the workout/weight loss bandwagon. I realized that I am the only one that can get me back on.
This is my life. These are my choices. This is about me. My life is going to be what I make of it. Yes, it helps when others support you. But something finally clicked in my head and I realized that if I don't do for myself, no one else will.
The other day I went to my daughter's (7th) birthday party. I walked around with the baby an took her in the pool. After about 1/2 an hr with her, I finally gave her to my husband. He rolled his eyes and made a face, but I had spent some quality time with her. I went off for a swim with my other daughters. It was nice. Mackenzie is my world, but so are Hanna and Hailey. Mackenzie may need me more than they do, but they need me too. Mackenzie was fussing while Hailey was opening her presents and Clint grumpily tended to her. I'm sure he wasn't thrilled about that. But I wanted to watch the joy in Hailey's eyes as she opened her gifts. Tonight, Clint fed and put the baby down and I spent some time outside with Hanna and Hailey. It was so nice. Off topic here, we were talking about boobies. Von and Aaron (two guy friends were out there). I told Hailey that she didn't need to talk about boobies any more and she looks down her shirt and says "I'm so sexy, I can look at myself naked." Then later she was talking about sexy and I told her she didn't need to say that word. She said "Fine, I'll say hot." This is what comes out of the mouth of a 7 year old.
Anyway, it's nice to spend time with them. It's nice to NOT worry about Clint getting mad because he has to deal with the baby. It's nice to do for myself.
That's it. Girls just had a bath. I'm going to put up my dishes and the rest of the groceries and pack my lunch for tomorrow. As Kelly O. says, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail!
Moving on...
Lately, I've been thinking about me. I've been doing for me. I've been doing things that make me happy. these past few months, I've forgotten about myself. I fell off the workout/weight loss bandwagon. I realized that I am the only one that can get me back on.
This is my life. These are my choices. This is about me. My life is going to be what I make of it. Yes, it helps when others support you. But something finally clicked in my head and I realized that if I don't do for myself, no one else will.
The other day I went to my daughter's (7th) birthday party. I walked around with the baby an took her in the pool. After about 1/2 an hr with her, I finally gave her to my husband. He rolled his eyes and made a face, but I had spent some quality time with her. I went off for a swim with my other daughters. It was nice. Mackenzie is my world, but so are Hanna and Hailey. Mackenzie may need me more than they do, but they need me too. Mackenzie was fussing while Hailey was opening her presents and Clint grumpily tended to her. I'm sure he wasn't thrilled about that. But I wanted to watch the joy in Hailey's eyes as she opened her gifts. Tonight, Clint fed and put the baby down and I spent some time outside with Hanna and Hailey. It was so nice. Off topic here, we were talking about boobies. Von and Aaron (two guy friends were out there). I told Hailey that she didn't need to talk about boobies any more and she looks down her shirt and says "I'm so sexy, I can look at myself naked." Then later she was talking about sexy and I told her she didn't need to say that word. She said "Fine, I'll say hot." This is what comes out of the mouth of a 7 year old.
Anyway, it's nice to spend time with them. It's nice to NOT worry about Clint getting mad because he has to deal with the baby. It's nice to do for myself.
That's it. Girls just had a bath. I'm going to put up my dishes and the rest of the groceries and pack my lunch for tomorrow. As Kelly O. says, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail!
My Sunday
Happy Sunday Dear Readers,
Today I went grocery shopping. Bought *most* of my food for the week. I am certain I will have to go back for more veggies. We've got the grill going and have some kick booty steaks on there. I'm also cooking 4 ground chicken burgers, about 9 ground turkey burgers, 9 pieces of tilapia, and 6 chicken breasts. I think that may be too much food for this coming week. But I am sure someone will get in to my food, so that's okay. I will be steaming my broccoli in a bit and boiling some eggs. I love spending my Sundays getting ready for the week. And I am not being facetious.
Gotta go cook. Will update later!
Today I went grocery shopping. Bought *most* of my food for the week. I am certain I will have to go back for more veggies. We've got the grill going and have some kick booty steaks on there. I'm also cooking 4 ground chicken burgers, about 9 ground turkey burgers, 9 pieces of tilapia, and 6 chicken breasts. I think that may be too much food for this coming week. But I am sure someone will get in to my food, so that's okay. I will be steaming my broccoli in a bit and boiling some eggs. I love spending my Sundays getting ready for the week. And I am not being facetious.
Gotta go cook. Will update later!
Sunday, July 20, 2008
I feel like I've been run over
I got at least 10 hours of sleep last night but I sure feel like crap. If I get too much I feel bad. If I get too little I feel bad. I think 8 hrs is my happy medium.
I got sick last week. We had went to Abilene to see my parents and my 2 yr old baby sister was sick. Just a common cold but it had me down all week. I worked out on Monday but didn't do anything else all week long. I just didn't have the strength. But this is a new week. After this I am going to get my water ready and have some egg whites and oatmeal. I know it's kinda of late in the day for all that, but I'm doing it anyway. If I'm getting back on track, I'm going to to do it right from point A to point B.
That's all I have. Sorry. I need to fold laundry, put more clothes in, wash dishes, make breakfast, then I need to take my step-daughter home. What a fun life I have.
I got sick last week. We had went to Abilene to see my parents and my 2 yr old baby sister was sick. Just a common cold but it had me down all week. I worked out on Monday but didn't do anything else all week long. I just didn't have the strength. But this is a new week. After this I am going to get my water ready and have some egg whites and oatmeal. I know it's kinda of late in the day for all that, but I'm doing it anyway. If I'm getting back on track, I'm going to to do it right from point A to point B.
That's all I have. Sorry. I need to fold laundry, put more clothes in, wash dishes, make breakfast, then I need to take my step-daughter home. What a fun life I have.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Now that my head is screwed on straight
What a wild few weeks. Things are still nuttier than a fruit cake. On Friday, I drove down to Abilene (about 3 hours south) because my dad and his wife were en route to Denver and stopped there. Theoretically, it would've made more sense for them to come to my house since I am further north, but they wanted to eat at a Mexican restaurant we ate at 8 years ago. We've been trying to get the salsa, and he really wanted some, so he drove there. Anyway, me, Clint, Mackenzie, and our frined Von went there. The next morning we got up and went to a car auction, Academy, Target then Johnny Carino's. We stopped at a liquor store then as we were leaving Von noticed the batter light was on. GREAT. We just replaced the battery. We got to an AutoZone, they (both mechanics) checked it out, and decided to limp it home. 70 miles from home, we're on the side of the road with a dead vehicle. A man stopped to help us, jump started the car, let us go to his house, until our friend Cox came with new batteries. We drove 30 miles out of our way to get to O'Reilly's, where we bought an alternator. The problem wasn't fixed. So then we drove 70 miles home. What a weekend. I crashed on the couch around 10pm, went to my bed around midnight, and got up at 8:30am.
I've already put a load of laundry on, folded towels, and cleaned two bathrooms. I have A LOT more laundry and dishes to do. We have to go get Clint's daughter tonight. What a weekend! have I said that already?
So I FINALLY talked to Tony. What a GREAT conversation. I decided to go with the program, at least for another month. I feel really good about this decision. I just need to make time for myself--getting to the gym, eating right, etc. I HAVE to do this. I am not near my goals. Maybe this next month will bring me there. It better. I am NOT wasting another month!
That's all I've got. I was going to wait until tomorrow to get back on track, but why put off another day? The sucky thing is that my dad brought me some fresh corn, cantaloupe, and watermelon from the garden. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR...HE brought me creamed corn and red beans, but it's frozen, so it can wait. I guess Clint and Von will be eating the boiled corn and okra. (Almost forgot the okra!)
I've already put a load of laundry on, folded towels, and cleaned two bathrooms. I have A LOT more laundry and dishes to do. We have to go get Clint's daughter tonight. What a weekend! have I said that already?
So I FINALLY talked to Tony. What a GREAT conversation. I decided to go with the program, at least for another month. I feel really good about this decision. I just need to make time for myself--getting to the gym, eating right, etc. I HAVE to do this. I am not near my goals. Maybe this next month will bring me there. It better. I am NOT wasting another month!
That's all I've got. I was going to wait until tomorrow to get back on track, but why put off another day? The sucky thing is that my dad brought me some fresh corn, cantaloupe, and watermelon from the garden. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR...HE brought me creamed corn and red beans, but it's frozen, so it can wait. I guess Clint and Von will be eating the boiled corn and okra. (Almost forgot the okra!)
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Random
Realizing Love© Richard Sheak I take a deep breath,say four words and let my true tears fall,when you answer me maybe this wont work at all,friends we can still remain,but since then no longer have i heard you speak my name,felt your hand touch my palm,heard your thoughts,your deepest secrets that you hide,I close my eyes as a tear rolls down my cheek,and I imagine the words you speak,the words you say,the games you played,the options I've tried,to attempt to keep our friendship alive,as I've failed in all of the above,I admit by chance maybe i just fell in love,my heartbrakes and it aches,I've never felt so depressed,and yet all the time I wish for only the best,I wish for love,I wish for everything to go my way,I wish that all this hurt and all this pain would all just fade away,I feel alone,So unloved,And yet i wonder is this how its meant to be?I wish i meant to you what you so fondly mean to me,I close my eyes as a tear rolls down my cheek,And i imagine the voice you speak,The words you say,The games you play,the options that i tried,to attempt for our friendship to stay alive,As i know that i have failed in all of the above,I must admit i just fell in love.
I was cleanign out my inbox and my step mom forwarded this to me. I know it has nothing to do with working out, but I liked it and wanted to share it before it got deleted forever.
I was cleanign out my inbox and my step mom forwarded this to me. I know it has nothing to do with working out, but I liked it and wanted to share it before it got deleted forever.
Monday, July 7, 2008
I'm alive! I'm alive!
My life has been nuts these past few weeks. Work, home, you name it, it's been crazy!
So where do I begin? Well, I haven't been to the gym in about a month. I got a new boos almost 2 weeks ago. The point leading up to that process was a very busy one. And now that he is here, it's still busy. I did try to go to the gym after work one say but it was insanely packed. I've never seen it that packed. Must be kids that are out of school. I haven't tried during my lunch hour. I really need to find time for ME. I've been cutting my lunches shorter and shorter or sometimes working through it. That needs to change.
My eating has been okay. I am not eating BADLY, but some days I do eat like 4 fun sized almond joys. Bad girl. But here's the kicker: I am losing weight! I am wearing my old clothes. Ideally, I would like to lose 10 more lbs to reach my goal number. But I am pretty happy with my size now. HOWEVER, I will not let that comfort stall me.
I think I just had my last month with Tony. In fact, I know I have. The first month, I lost 8 lbs like that. But those next two months were a waste of my $$. I am the one that controls me, and what I eat and when I work out. But I was just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO busy. I was too damn busy to really grocery shop. On top of that, I played phone-e-mail tag with him and that pretty much just added to my stalling. I e-mailed him, he e-mailed me, he called, missed his call, he e-mailed, I e-mailed, he called, missed it, returned call, e-mailed, got e-mail asking when a good time to call would be, then I heard NOTHING for a week. I suddenly got another e-mail asking when I good time to call was and if I had a cell phone. In all honestly, that rubbed me the WRONG way. It was like I was someone he had never talked to before in his life. DO I HAVE A CELL PHONE? From day 1 he had my cell #. I am not really sure what he meant in that e-mail. did I have a cell over a home phone or work phone? I dunno. But that left me hugely disappointed and I didn't respond. I KNOW this isn't the case, I KNOW it. But I felt it so I am going to share it. I suddenly felt like I didn't matter, that I was just some random person, and he was too busy for me. I know he trains a lot of people and I felt like I just got lost somewhere in the crowd. So, at that moment, I decided that I didn't want to take up any more of his time. I probably should've expressed this to him, so he could set me straight. But I honestly just don't want to waste any more $$, because that's what I felt like I did these last two months. Tony is a GREAT trainer. He really is. That first month was awesome. But when my life became hectic, I pretty much gave up. That wasn't him, it was me. I think that if I had been able to talk to him, he could've pulled me out of this trance, and all would be well. But it didn't happen like that. And here I am.
So what have I been up to this month? Heavy drinking. Copious amounts of alcohol. Seriously. Prior to meeting my husband, I would go out on weekends and drink and have a good time. Once I got married, and had Mackenzie, I couldn't count the number of times I've been drunk on one hand. But like every weekend for the past month, we've had people over. And I would drink. Now, when I say alot, it really wasn't a lot. But it was alot for me. I took 2 sips of Moscato yesterday and had one hell of a buzz. I can only imagine what this is doing to my metabolism. ICK. But I AM still losing weight??????
Alright, I better go. My husband is bitching that I am on the computer. I haven't been on the f**king thing in God knows how long. Oh wait. I might spend 5 mins a day on it. But when he wants me up his ass and I am not there, he starts bitching that I spend too much time on the computer. Excuse me. That asshole has spent every free moment in the shop or playing Guitar Hero--like he's doing now. WHY DO I NEED TO GO SIT NEXT TO HIM FOR THAT? No, instead, he says I am always on the computer. FUCK OFF DICKHEAD. I haven't updated my blog since June, yet I am on the computer ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the time.....asshole.
So where do I begin? Well, I haven't been to the gym in about a month. I got a new boos almost 2 weeks ago. The point leading up to that process was a very busy one. And now that he is here, it's still busy. I did try to go to the gym after work one say but it was insanely packed. I've never seen it that packed. Must be kids that are out of school. I haven't tried during my lunch hour. I really need to find time for ME. I've been cutting my lunches shorter and shorter or sometimes working through it. That needs to change.
My eating has been okay. I am not eating BADLY, but some days I do eat like 4 fun sized almond joys. Bad girl. But here's the kicker: I am losing weight! I am wearing my old clothes. Ideally, I would like to lose 10 more lbs to reach my goal number. But I am pretty happy with my size now. HOWEVER, I will not let that comfort stall me.
I think I just had my last month with Tony. In fact, I know I have. The first month, I lost 8 lbs like that. But those next two months were a waste of my $$. I am the one that controls me, and what I eat and when I work out. But I was just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO busy. I was too damn busy to really grocery shop. On top of that, I played phone-e-mail tag with him and that pretty much just added to my stalling. I e-mailed him, he e-mailed me, he called, missed his call, he e-mailed, I e-mailed, he called, missed it, returned call, e-mailed, got e-mail asking when a good time to call would be, then I heard NOTHING for a week. I suddenly got another e-mail asking when I good time to call was and if I had a cell phone. In all honestly, that rubbed me the WRONG way. It was like I was someone he had never talked to before in his life. DO I HAVE A CELL PHONE? From day 1 he had my cell #. I am not really sure what he meant in that e-mail. did I have a cell over a home phone or work phone? I dunno. But that left me hugely disappointed and I didn't respond. I KNOW this isn't the case, I KNOW it. But I felt it so I am going to share it. I suddenly felt like I didn't matter, that I was just some random person, and he was too busy for me. I know he trains a lot of people and I felt like I just got lost somewhere in the crowd. So, at that moment, I decided that I didn't want to take up any more of his time. I probably should've expressed this to him, so he could set me straight. But I honestly just don't want to waste any more $$, because that's what I felt like I did these last two months. Tony is a GREAT trainer. He really is. That first month was awesome. But when my life became hectic, I pretty much gave up. That wasn't him, it was me. I think that if I had been able to talk to him, he could've pulled me out of this trance, and all would be well. But it didn't happen like that. And here I am.
So what have I been up to this month? Heavy drinking. Copious amounts of alcohol. Seriously. Prior to meeting my husband, I would go out on weekends and drink and have a good time. Once I got married, and had Mackenzie, I couldn't count the number of times I've been drunk on one hand. But like every weekend for the past month, we've had people over. And I would drink. Now, when I say alot, it really wasn't a lot. But it was alot for me. I took 2 sips of Moscato yesterday and had one hell of a buzz. I can only imagine what this is doing to my metabolism. ICK. But I AM still losing weight??????
Alright, I better go. My husband is bitching that I am on the computer. I haven't been on the f**king thing in God knows how long. Oh wait. I might spend 5 mins a day on it. But when he wants me up his ass and I am not there, he starts bitching that I spend too much time on the computer. Excuse me. That asshole has spent every free moment in the shop or playing Guitar Hero--like he's doing now. WHY DO I NEED TO GO SIT NEXT TO HIM FOR THAT? No, instead, he says I am always on the computer. FUCK OFF DICKHEAD. I haven't updated my blog since June, yet I am on the computer ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the time.....asshole.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Because it's the right thing to do...
I guess I should post something. I have been so incredibly busy. Between housing storm victims, to taking care of 4 kids, to returning kids, and working late, I've been swamped. I've had no time for the gym. Heck, I've had no time to shop for groceries. I mean, I have time to run in and pick up this or that, but no real time to bulk shop. Also, my tanning salon is closing on the 30th. There's only one other one in town and I am NOT paying $45 or $60 a month to tan there. The thing that sucks is that on the 17th or of May I redeemed 2 unlimited months of tanning. That means that I still have 1 left and they're closing. GREAT. I did read that they would reimburse individual sessions but not unlimited. I think I SHOULD get reimbursed since it was one full month that was never used. Know what I mean? So I've been trying to take advantage of that as best as I can. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...
I have some other stuff going on but I don't want to post it on here. Too many people have mouths. And too many people like to run those mouths. And some things just don't need to be public information, although it's really NOT that big of a deal. Isn't it sad that sometimes you can't post the simplest of things on your blogs because people will gossip about anything? Oh well. I'll tell my close friends (Kelly, e-mail coming your way) and if you want to know what else is going on with m e, leave me a comment or e-mail me and I will fill you in!
My house is a mess. I need to do laundry. The last child goes home tomorrow. Praise God! The kids are fun and all, but when you go from having 3 people in the house to having 6, it gets hectic. I mean, when I go anywhere, I don't have to get one kid ready, I have to get THREE of them ready. #1 and #2 are pretty self sufficient. They can get themselves dressed, brush their hair and teeth, put their dirty clothes away, etc. etc. They're 8 and 6. Of course they don't need my help. My step daughter is a little more needy. The kid is 5 and by no means is she a dummy, but while #1 and #2 go in the bathroom to to brush their teeth, she is standing there staring off into space. The kid has NO initiative. Unless I tell her to do something, she won't do it. Heck, even when I do tell her to go do something, she still stand there like she's unsure of what she's supposed to be doing in spite of doing the same routine for the past 2 years at my house. So I pretty much have two small children to take care of because I can't trust her to get herself dressed or brush her teeth or put her clothes away etc. without my watching her. I don't have to brush her teeth or put her clothes on for her, but sometimes I think my life would be easier if I did b/c it would shave off 1/2 of the time. But I raise big kids, not babies. Oh, and #2 likes to talk, talk, talk....so it's nice to have it quiet for a change!!!!!!
What else is going on? I got a new wedding ring. There's something to gossip about. The first one was my great grandmothers. It was very frail and fragile and it was breaking. I could've had it repaired, but I didn't want to materially alter the ring. I already felt bad about having it sized and soldered. The second one was a cheap ring my husband picked out. It was the thought that counts. I never wore it though...not sure why. So, he went out and bought me another one. The funny thing was that I had JUST looked at a ring..IDENTICAL...and it was 1/4 less expensive and he ran out and got this one. If he hadn't gotten it sized, I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO would've returned it and got the other one. But it was too late. I had told him to go to the other place, but he didn't listen. (He told me he was going to get a new ring). I've tried and tried to take a pic of it, but it won't come out, so I will paste a link to it. He felt bad because he REALLY wanted to get me an $8000 ring. There's NO WAY I can afford that. His ex wife's ring was $4,000 and he feels bad that he didn't spend that much on me. He says that he loves me more and should spend three times as much on me. But as I pointed out, he had NO hand in her ring. SHE went to Zales. SHE picked it out. SHE financed it. It's not like he picked it out and paid for it. Hell, he was away for Air Force training when she did this. So to me, this doesn't count. And his mom goes on and on about how beautiful her ring was. Well if I went out and picked out my own ring and wanted to finance it, then I could pick out a damn gorgeous ring that will blind you. But that's not right to me. I showed him what I did and didn't like, but I wanted HIM to pick it out as it was a gift from HIM. I am married to HIM...not to myself. Some of you may have picked out your own rings...and that's fine. But I want something that my partner picked out on his own accord. And that he did. He didn't get anything I would've picked out. In fact, this is twice now that I showed him exact rings that I liked but he didn't pick out. But he is getting rings that I do like. Heck, even if I thought it was wicked ugly, I would love it since HE picked it out. He actually did really well. I had tried on several rings and the bigger they are, the wrong they look on me. I am a petite girl and some rings look so fake on my because they overwhelm my finger. Sometimes I look down and I think the ring looks tiny, then at other angles, it looks kind of big. All I can say is that he did really well with picking a ring that complemented my finger. When I had tried on the twin at another location, the sales lady said "That's it, that's the ring for you, those others were too big for your tiny little hand." I know that some of you are much thinner and are sporting rocks. Good for you. My ring is perfect for me!
http://www.crownjewelers.com/ViewDetails.asp?ProID=1788&SrchKeyword=&SrchCategory=5&SrchSubCat=16&srchPrice=
Pay no attention to the price, carats, etc. My ring actually has round stones, but this is the closest one I could find.
Oh wait...try this one. This one is more accurate as far as looks goes:
http://www.zales.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2863396
Okay, last thing. I bought a new pair of shorts. SIZE THREE!!!! WOO-HOO. I haven't lost any more weight. In fact, this morning showed my back in the 130's. Now, I am not a fat cow that eats a freakin cake then scratches my head saying "I don't know why I gained weight...it must me water weight." I am not a fan of those that blame everything on water weight and can't take accountability for overeating or not working out. But in my case, to have a 4 lbs gain overnight when I didn't eat anything more than usual and the fact that I am cramping like a MF'er...I think it is water weight. I wish TOM would just get here so I can get on with life! I've never noticed a weight gain during that time. But with all of the cramping, I KNOW it's about to happen. So I am paying a little more attention now.
I have some other stuff going on but I don't want to post it on here. Too many people have mouths. And too many people like to run those mouths. And some things just don't need to be public information, although it's really NOT that big of a deal. Isn't it sad that sometimes you can't post the simplest of things on your blogs because people will gossip about anything? Oh well. I'll tell my close friends (Kelly, e-mail coming your way) and if you want to know what else is going on with m e, leave me a comment or e-mail me and I will fill you in!
My house is a mess. I need to do laundry. The last child goes home tomorrow. Praise God! The kids are fun and all, but when you go from having 3 people in the house to having 6, it gets hectic. I mean, when I go anywhere, I don't have to get one kid ready, I have to get THREE of them ready. #1 and #2 are pretty self sufficient. They can get themselves dressed, brush their hair and teeth, put their dirty clothes away, etc. etc. They're 8 and 6. Of course they don't need my help. My step daughter is a little more needy. The kid is 5 and by no means is she a dummy, but while #1 and #2 go in the bathroom to to brush their teeth, she is standing there staring off into space. The kid has NO initiative. Unless I tell her to do something, she won't do it. Heck, even when I do tell her to go do something, she still stand there like she's unsure of what she's supposed to be doing in spite of doing the same routine for the past 2 years at my house. So I pretty much have two small children to take care of because I can't trust her to get herself dressed or brush her teeth or put her clothes away etc. without my watching her. I don't have to brush her teeth or put her clothes on for her, but sometimes I think my life would be easier if I did b/c it would shave off 1/2 of the time. But I raise big kids, not babies. Oh, and #2 likes to talk, talk, talk....so it's nice to have it quiet for a change!!!!!!
What else is going on? I got a new wedding ring. There's something to gossip about. The first one was my great grandmothers. It was very frail and fragile and it was breaking. I could've had it repaired, but I didn't want to materially alter the ring. I already felt bad about having it sized and soldered. The second one was a cheap ring my husband picked out. It was the thought that counts. I never wore it though...not sure why. So, he went out and bought me another one. The funny thing was that I had JUST looked at a ring..IDENTICAL...and it was 1/4 less expensive and he ran out and got this one. If he hadn't gotten it sized, I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO would've returned it and got the other one. But it was too late. I had told him to go to the other place, but he didn't listen. (He told me he was going to get a new ring). I've tried and tried to take a pic of it, but it won't come out, so I will paste a link to it. He felt bad because he REALLY wanted to get me an $8000 ring. There's NO WAY I can afford that. His ex wife's ring was $4,000 and he feels bad that he didn't spend that much on me. He says that he loves me more and should spend three times as much on me. But as I pointed out, he had NO hand in her ring. SHE went to Zales. SHE picked it out. SHE financed it. It's not like he picked it out and paid for it. Hell, he was away for Air Force training when she did this. So to me, this doesn't count. And his mom goes on and on about how beautiful her ring was. Well if I went out and picked out my own ring and wanted to finance it, then I could pick out a damn gorgeous ring that will blind you. But that's not right to me. I showed him what I did and didn't like, but I wanted HIM to pick it out as it was a gift from HIM. I am married to HIM...not to myself. Some of you may have picked out your own rings...and that's fine. But I want something that my partner picked out on his own accord. And that he did. He didn't get anything I would've picked out. In fact, this is twice now that I showed him exact rings that I liked but he didn't pick out. But he is getting rings that I do like. Heck, even if I thought it was wicked ugly, I would love it since HE picked it out. He actually did really well. I had tried on several rings and the bigger they are, the wrong they look on me. I am a petite girl and some rings look so fake on my because they overwhelm my finger. Sometimes I look down and I think the ring looks tiny, then at other angles, it looks kind of big. All I can say is that he did really well with picking a ring that complemented my finger. When I had tried on the twin at another location, the sales lady said "That's it, that's the ring for you, those others were too big for your tiny little hand." I know that some of you are much thinner and are sporting rocks. Good for you. My ring is perfect for me!
http://www.crownjewelers.com/ViewDetails.asp?ProID=1788&SrchKeyword=&SrchCategory=5&SrchSubCat=16&srchPrice=
Pay no attention to the price, carats, etc. My ring actually has round stones, but this is the closest one I could find.
Oh wait...try this one. This one is more accurate as far as looks goes:
http://www.zales.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2863396
Okay, last thing. I bought a new pair of shorts. SIZE THREE!!!! WOO-HOO. I haven't lost any more weight. In fact, this morning showed my back in the 130's. Now, I am not a fat cow that eats a freakin cake then scratches my head saying "I don't know why I gained weight...it must me water weight." I am not a fan of those that blame everything on water weight and can't take accountability for overeating or not working out. But in my case, to have a 4 lbs gain overnight when I didn't eat anything more than usual and the fact that I am cramping like a MF'er...I think it is water weight. I wish TOM would just get here so I can get on with life! I've never noticed a weight gain during that time. But with all of the cramping, I KNOW it's about to happen. So I am paying a little more attention now.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
I'm back
Wow, 11 days without a post...most be torture for you. So sorry!
Okay, I am back. The last week or so has been hectic.
It started with a "tornado" that hit a neighboring town. Officially, it wasn't a tornado. It was 90 mile per hr winds. But some people did see a funnel. Anyway, most of the town was without power. (This is where I work btw). So on a Friday night we had our friend Von sleep over. Then Saturday-Sunday we had our friends Nick and Jill and their daughter, and Von, sleep over again. Oh yeah, that Saturday, I got Hanna and Hailey, so we had 9 people in the house. Then Von ended up staying until like Wednesday because he had no power for that long. Then we just had one thing after the other going on. So, I haven't been following ANYTHING. I haven't been eating poorly, but I haven't eaten like I should. And workouts weren't happening. One day I forgot my clothes, the next day Mackenzie got sick, the next day the gym was shut down, the list goes on and on.
The good news of ALL of this is that my weight is still 127. WOO-HOO. Granted, I should've been 119 by this point. But I am not. Okay, moving on. My goal is to focus on this next month. I'm now dwelling on the past. I am looking to the future. I am certain it will be filled with challenges (I know it will) but I am dedicated to making it work. In fact, I am looking forward to it.
I am going to eat Korean food today. I SHOULD get on track today, but I haven't been grocery shopping. Must do that today.
Gotta go clean the kitchen. Sorry I've been away. When you have company, it's hard to do things you normally would (like workout at home...it's just too weird to have people watching).
Okay, I am back. The last week or so has been hectic.
It started with a "tornado" that hit a neighboring town. Officially, it wasn't a tornado. It was 90 mile per hr winds. But some people did see a funnel. Anyway, most of the town was without power. (This is where I work btw). So on a Friday night we had our friend Von sleep over. Then Saturday-Sunday we had our friends Nick and Jill and their daughter, and Von, sleep over again. Oh yeah, that Saturday, I got Hanna and Hailey, so we had 9 people in the house. Then Von ended up staying until like Wednesday because he had no power for that long. Then we just had one thing after the other going on. So, I haven't been following ANYTHING. I haven't been eating poorly, but I haven't eaten like I should. And workouts weren't happening. One day I forgot my clothes, the next day Mackenzie got sick, the next day the gym was shut down, the list goes on and on.
The good news of ALL of this is that my weight is still 127. WOO-HOO. Granted, I should've been 119 by this point. But I am not. Okay, moving on. My goal is to focus on this next month. I'm now dwelling on the past. I am looking to the future. I am certain it will be filled with challenges (I know it will) but I am dedicated to making it work. In fact, I am looking forward to it.
I am going to eat Korean food today. I SHOULD get on track today, but I haven't been grocery shopping. Must do that today.
Gotta go clean the kitchen. Sorry I've been away. When you have company, it's hard to do things you normally would (like workout at home...it's just too weird to have people watching).
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