Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Reflection and Regrouping

I have been doing a lot of thinking these past few days. I am almost 29 years old, I have three children, and I am very unhappy with my body. I don't plan on having any more children so I am very eager to get my "old" body back. However, I am pretty bummed that I haven't reached my pre-pregnancy weight (115 lbs). My baby is 14 months old and by the time my other two were this age, I was at my pre-pregnancy weight. Could my age be a factor? Or is it the fact that I am not trying nearly as hard as I did with them to get rid of the weight? More to come on that note.

I considered hiring an online trainer. I looked into it and have thought a lot about it. Had I not purchased a sofa and love seat, I probably would've spent the $$. But I didn't. And after considering it some more, I decided that I need to do this on my own. I will not get my ideal body on my own. There's so much I have to learn. However, I really haven't been giving it 100% this past year. Maybe once I give it my 100%, I will see some results. Then once I hit a plateau and can not go any further, I will consult a professional. Some of you may be laughing and thinking that I might as well give it up and hire someone so I can see the results sooner. But I can't do that. I would feel like a failure because I truly haven't even tried. I mean, sure I have tried. But I haven't given it my all. Kelly O was working her butt off but didn't see the results she wanted so she hired a trainer. At this point, I would feel foolish if I followed in her foot steps because I am not even working 1/2 as hard as she was. Maybe if I put in an effort like she did, I would see the results I want to see. I don't want to be in a competition. While the prospect sounds interesting, my stomach is too jacked up from babies and a hacked appendectomy to even consider it. Maybe after having a tummy tuck I could get on stage, but I wouldn't feel right because in a way I cheated to get there while all those other women worked their ass off to be there. That's really a moot point. The point is that I want to be toned and trimmed. I was 115 lbs but I wasn't toned at all. I don't like being "sinnny fat." Perhaps I CAN get there on my own. I can at least get part of the way on my own. At this point, if I hired someone and got a great body as a result, I couldn't take any credit for it at all.

I'd like to share the story of my friend Gia. I met her several years ago in college. She once told me she was a stripper and I could hardly believe it. Gia was a bit overweight, so imagining her as a stripper wasn't easy. Gia has gained quite a bit more weight since our first meeting. I try to be a positive infulence and encourage weight loss, but I don't nag. She recently told me she got a gym membership and was going to go to Spin Class XX nights a week and hit the weight room XX nights. Great plan. Then I asked her about the spin class. She didn't make it. Asked again. Still didn't make it. Excuse after excuse rolled out of her mouth. The other night she told me she and her sister are going to OKC this weekend to try out for "The Biggest Loser." While I think it would be AWESOME if they got to be on the show, I am a little disappointed to hear about this. It saddens me that she won't lose the weight on her own, or won't even try, but she will do it for a show. Don't get me wrong, she has made some half-hearted attempts. She cut out some of the junk in her and her family's life and lost like 15 lbs in a month. She said she wasn't dieting, they were just eating healthy. They work out for 15-20 minutes a day at her job, so she's trying there. But has she REALLY tried? Has she worked her butt off for months--working out and eating right--but hit the end of the rope and turned to the show as her last resport? NO. She's going there as a first resort. She's turning to them for a "quick fix" instead of trying it out herself. **Disclaimer...I have NEVER seen "The Biggest Loser" but I am certain they DO work their butts off. I think I saw a commercial once and they were REALLY going at it. I am not saying it's a quick fix as in swallowing a magic pill. I hope you understand what I mean as you read this post as a whole.** I would be more inspired by the person that did all she could on her own, then went on the show to get help. I don't find it inspiring to see someone that has basically done nothing to better themselves then went on the show just because they could. Again, please don't get me wrong. It would be GREAT for her and her sister to go on the show. I would love to see them lose weight no matter how they do it. I just wish they would make an honest effort on their own.

Now, let's tie this in to my story. How can I "judge" Gia and be disappointed that she really hasn't tried it on her own when I am in the SAME boat. I workout maybe 3X a week, and it's half-hearted at that. I try to watch what I eat, but there is always room for improvement. So isn't my hiring a trainer similar to Gia going on "The Biggest Loser?" It would be a whole different story if she and I BOTH were working our butts off THEN we turned to a trainer and "The Biggest Loser" however, that isn't the case at hand.

Maybe I am nuts and I am being too hard on myself. With Hanna I HAD to get the weight off. I was in the Air Force and had 6 months to get below my weight max (143 lbs). Since I was losing the weight, I went ahead and got back to my pre-pregnancy weight. With Hailey, she was 6 months old before I began to lose weight. I was 148 and when I looked in the mirror I saw a fat cow. This time was different. When I looked in the mirror at 135, I was OKAY with my weight. I didn't see a fat cow so I guess that's why I haven't tried as hard to get it off. That's no excuse but that's the only reason I can think of. I'm not whining tonight saying "Hey you guys, I have worked my bum off for 14 months--I eat a perfect diet, I work out 7 days a week, but I am stuck 15 lbs from my goal weight." Instead I am whining, being truthful saying "Hey you guys, I have basically sat on my ass for the past year and haven't done much at all to get rid of those 15 lbs."

So, I am going to embark on a new 12 week challenge. If I start now, I will finish one week after my 29th birthday. (The old 12 week plan was 12 weeks to get ready for my 5K, which MAY not happen because the other team members won't pay their fees and really aren't training) I need to focus. I need to do this. If I give it my all and REALLY try but don't get anywhere near where I hope to be, THEN I will hire someone.


Kelly O said...

I have to kind of agree with you either way. And a big part of your decision to hire a trainer in person or online I am sure is financial. So, let's assume that the $$ is NOT an issue. If that is the case, I would lean toward telling you to DO the trainer thing. Why? Sure, I've worked out like a maniac on my own and was working out hard...but knowing what I know NOW, I see how working with a trainer who A) Knows infinitely more than I do about the human body and about how to get from A to Z and B) Will push me to my limits and C) will not accept excuses ~ all that adds up to a far higher degree of success and achievement. I've been working out for YEARS. And yes, each year I have gotten better and made improvements, but I've been winging it; going on things I've read in this magazine or that. When you have a trainer, you are following ONE guideline from an expert who knows how to make your body get there.
Looking back at me working out on my own, I see how all the time, I'd get to a part I didn't like on the DVD and - MOVE FORWARD: skip chest, skip triceps. Don't go heavy, I might "bulk up" LOL And most of all, no one sees me at home so it sure is easy to NOT WORKOUT TONIGHT. I text Jay every day with what I do. He reads my blog. My coworkers all know what I'm doing and will not "let" me go into our stocked kitchen and eat brownies. I am committed to doing WHATEVER IT TAKES.
On the other hand, if you would feel better giving it a go on your own, you ABSOLUTELY CAN DO IT. I don't think a trainer though is the "easy way out" in any way shape or form; I personally see it as a massive public commitment. When you choose to pay someone to TRAIN YOU one on one....that's a commitment.
I hope this helps. You have to do what is right for you though...!!!
Either way, you WILL rock!

Sherry/Shay said...

For the most part, I do not view a trainer as an easy way out. But for myself, who really hasn't even tried to get there, I do see it as an easy way out. My brain is in a million places and I can't explain it. Ugggg....

Laurie said...

I only have 1 kid, so I can't say for sure, but I would think that utter exhausten and less time to focus on yourself from 3 kids could be one reason the weights not coming off as quick this time.

I think a trainer is not a bad thing, it's like going to the dentist. You're not a failure if you go to the dentist, it's just a good idea to get someone's professional opinion and an occasional check up.

But like your friend just hiring a trainer or going on Biggest Loser isn't going to make you lose the weight - you got to want it and want it bad and for the right reasons. I tried for years to lose the weight but until it really clicked I wasn't successful.

And lastly, for the record, I visited my first ever strip club a month or so ago and yeah, strippers don't necessarily have great bodies - it was pretty shocking.

Thanks for commenting on my blog!

Sherry/Shay said...


My oldest two daughters live with my ex husband and they recently moved 4 hours away. I also have a step daughter that lives 3 hours away. I am lucky to have one weekend at home during the month. The rest of the time is spent travelling to and from the kids. To say I have less time for myself is an understatement. I think I would have more time if all three of them lived here full time.

Tressa said...

hey hon, tony d is great!!!! i totally recommend him if you decide to go with a trainer :) tell him i sent ya! if not, i wish you the best of luck in your endeavors- you CAN do this!! journaling food and activity helps a lot i'm learning... i'm trying to give it a go myself, training the trainee so so speak!

P.O.M. said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. Ok - you can totally do it. Being in the right mental state is seriously 99% of the challenge. I don't know if you read my past blogs, but I got up to 168 lbs. I was miserable with my body - was about turn 30 and finally decided I had to do something about it. In less than 2 years, I've lost 35 lbs, ran 2 half marathons and a full marathon.

You can do it too. Just get in the right mental state. Personally, I think it is 75% what you eat and 25% working out. Think natural, healthful foods - fish, chicken, veggies, fruit. Nothing processed or "fake" as I call it. I'm excited to see your process :)

Good luck.